


I yearn for you

by gaga_for_Free



Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1783600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaga_for_Free/pseuds/gaga_for_Free
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin is hurt and wants to find solace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I yearn for you

Rin’s eyes opened wide with the sheer bizarreness of the dream. The shock of it was evident on his face, sweat dripping from his pale neck. His translucent skin flushed and veins dilated. His gaze fell upon the bunk above him. Nitori was snoring peacefully so it means that his shriek didn’t pierce through the glass of dorm windows. It was not particularly a nightmare then what was this weird feeling in his gut? Why is he remembering all the mundane things about the guy he just saw in his dream right now? He tries to lull himself back to sleep but something seems to be brewing inside of him. An emotion is raging inside of his rib cage and he can’t seem to characterize what he is feeling in this instant. Shit, Shit, SHIT! Is he actually going to do something about it and face his feelings head on. The ache in his heart and the uneasiness feels like he is missing out on a drug he couldn’t get enough of. He doesn’t know if he wants to get high on it or if he wants to leave it for his own good.

(After sneaking out of Samezuka and jogging for an hour or so in this dark silent night he reached his decision.)

‘I am actually going to tell him, tell him about everything! No, this is not a fucking dream and I am not sleep walking. This is it Rin Matsuoka, may the odds be ever in your favour!’ He knocks at the door. There is no response, neither shuffling nor any sign of movement can be heard from the other side of the door. There are no lights in the entire neighbourhood. The dark and silence starts to get on his nerves. He raps sharply at the door. Nothing. Not a single light is turned on in the house. He grabs his phone from the pocket and sees that it is ten minutes past three in the morning. Obviously it is not the most suitable time to visit but come on! If this continues and the door is not opened in next five minutes he will surely lose the courage which dragged him out of his bed from Samezuka and carried him here. He calls the resident of this house. No one picks up the phone which is not an unusual occurrence on its own. What the hell?! This situation is so anti climatic. He feels crest fallen. Just to be sure he knocks one last time. In his mind he was devising ways to sneak back into his dorms.

The door is opened slightly with a blue iris peeking out from the shadows of the night. He is expecting a ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ Instead he hears the door being opened ajar and a raspy voice address him, “Rin, is everything okay?” He doesn't answer the question which is being asked of him. He doesn’t want to be kept standing in this creepy dark street any more than necessary. “Can I come in?” After removing his muddy shoes and getting inside the living room he turns and faces the person he wanted to see the most. It is ironic because it is the same individual he is most scared to confront.

However, today it is a whole different scenario. He didn’t come all the way here to chicken out at the last minute. He will not stutter and he will not stammer. He clenched his heart in an iron resolve and sat himself down on the tatami floor. “Haru, I am sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night.” There was a nod of forgiveness and then Haru looked at him with encouragement and motioned for Rin to continue. ‘There must be something wrong if he wanted to talk at this time. Something must be worrying Rin. Is he worried about Gou or does he want us to check up on his mum once in a while because Matsuoka san overworks herself too much. Is he not doing well at Samezuka? Is he stressed about his swimming times? Is Nitori kun annoying him too much and he just wants to stay here for a while and relax a bit? Is he spiralling down in the pit of self doubt again? I hope I can help out with whatever is bothering him. Maybe calling Makoto right now would be a good idea. He is better at comforting people who are anxious and apprehensive.’ His train of thought is broken when Rin continues speaking.

“You must be wondering why I am here right now. The thing is I don’t think I can hide it from you any more. I am going to be completely honest. An hour ago I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up from a dream. I am not going to tell you about the contents of it just yet. After waking up I tried to calm myself down but it was to no avail-” “Was it a nightmare?” “No, it was not particularly a nightmare. It was like I was seeing a mirror which reflected my true self.” “Why did it make you so disoriented?” Rin was shocked by the interest Haru was paying. Was he always this curious?

_“The silver of the glass showed a person with red hair and maroon eyes looking out at the sea. I could feel the pain, the longing in his heart. He was standing at the bay contemplating a route to end the pain. Maybe he was going to cross the line or maybe he was waiting for someone to come and save him from his despair. I extended my hand towards him. I think I was trying to call him back from the ledge. I didn't want him to take the step which will end his life no matter how hard it must be. He didn’t listen to me. He was too far gone. He jumped in the crashing waves. I screamed for him, I cried but it felt like he was gone. I didn't retrieve my hand, my arm was still stretched in his direction. Maybe he will come back._

_He didn't come back but I saw someone appearing in front of my eyes. This person came and calmness flooded my veins. He held my hand and moved me away from the shoreline. I thought he will let go of my hand in another few minutes. But he didn't, he kept on rubbing circles at the palm of my hand. I had stopped crying although I was still in a trance. He stopped walking and looked right at me. He had deep blue eyes. I didn't want to look in them because they reminded me of the ocean which engulfed the man I just saw. His black hair ruffled from the sea breeze. He put a hand on my cheek and made me look into his eyes._

_‘Rin do not mourn the creature you saw. It was not a man. It was a part of you, full of doubts, fears, frustrations, tensions, anxieties, depression and everything which ever held you down. Rin do not cry for your insecurities. It jumped and left you because these feelings are not adhered with you any more. Rin! Please let go.’ And then I am jostled back to reality.’_

A silence surrounds both of them. It seems like air has been sucked out from that living room. Haru’s mind is reeling with the recollection of such a dream. Rin is not saying anything. Haru stands up and starts moving out of the room. Rin is trying to stand up to stop Haru from leaving but because of sitting on his knees for too long, blood flow has been blocked in his legs. He feels pins and needles in his feet. Rin stumbles in his motion to get up. Haru turns and observes the struggle. He moves back two steps and gestures for Rin to sit more comfortably. “I am not going anywhere. I thought I shall make you some tea.”

Haru goes to the kitchen and Rin moves from sitting to a more casual position. His back touches the floor and he stretches his legs out. His hands are folded behind the base of his head. He feels like spilling helped a bit. The constriction in his rib cage has lessened to some extent. After a while it seems like the hardness of the floor is replaced by something soft. Was a pillow placed under his head? To get the right angle at the pillow he shifted and snuggled a bit with the soft material. Turning in the depression of the pillow he felt as a welcoming warmth engulfed him. He roamed his hands to get the corner of the pillow cover. His hand did catch on to something but it was not fabric like he was expecting. Warmth of skin seeped through his fingertips. In the time span of one night he was shocked out of his wits for the second time.

He looked up from this cosy position and saw Haru looking back at him. His gaze was filled with an emotion which was hard to comprehend and name. Was it concern? No. Was is worry? No. Was it love? I don’t know, maybe. Rin was resting in Haru’s lap. Haru had his back pressed to the wall and his hand rubbing circles on the palm of Rin’s hand. Words got stuck in his throat. Is he still sleeping? But he feels it in the air, he is not scared of feeling like this any more. Haru says with the most serious expression he ever wore, “Rin, I will be with you. I will hold your hand. I will never let you drown. I will never let you get washed away by sorrow. I will never let you mourn your past any more. Rin I know the hurtful things which happened in the past are a part of you but promise that from today on you will let me bring you back.”

Sobs took over Rin. He clutched on to the hand Haru offered him. Were these tears of contentment or were they manifestation of the sadness which has been locked away in the depths of his heart? These were the last tears he will shed for his father, for his unattainable dream. He felt slender fingers run through his hair. It calmed him down. He felt soft, warm lips touching the apple of his right cheek. Rin got up and hugged Haru. He had never felt more at peace. This right here is what he yearned for all along. He kissed the pale skin at Haru’s neck. Rin’s right hand snaked into the short hair at the base of his neck and his left arm pulled him close. He kissed the shell of his ear and whispered, “I love you Rin.”

Rin peppered him with many open mouth kisses. He kissed his eyebrow, he kissed the corner of his mouth and said, “Haru, I don’t know just how it happened. I promised myself that I will never let my guard down. I ll never love anyone. I thought I ll drown if anyone abandoned me again. After my father’s death I never believed that someone could love you and fate will let them be a part of your life. It caught me by surprise but you made your way in my crazy life. All the emotional hurricanes should have scared you out of your wits but you never left. It pained me being away from you. But I couldn’t admit the fact that I have gone insane yearning for you. I thought if you knew and had the same feelings about me then we will perish and you will be separated from me once again. I have desired your presence day and night. I want to hold you and love you and adhere you with me.”

Haru kissed him hard. This was not a gentle kiss full of love. It was a promise of possession. “Rin stay with me.” Rin hugged him close. “You will never have to yearn for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> My brother is getting engaged in four hours and looking at him and being in this mind set made me write something about rinharu. It has been written in two hours. Do let me know if you liked it and if you didn't then I am really sorry :/


End file.
